So it's been so long since I posted on here that I've actually never figured out how to use the new toolbars and such.  It's been a tumultuous year since that last post about Ryan on here in April.  I spent a month in Sweden, which would have been super awesome had it not been for the stupid obnoxious bitches I went with.  So instead it was only awesome, lol.  I kind of started something with my best friend, only to realize that I wasn't ready for a relationship, especially a long-distance one, and ended up losing him in the process.  We haven't spoken since July, and it makes me super sad.  However, I left him with the ball to repair things in his court; I just wish I mattered enough to him for him to realize that a simple apology for the way I was treated was all that was necessary.  Oh well.  I guess sometimes learning who your real friends are is painful.

Anyway, the last 8 months have been pretty amazing.  I spent the summer trying to figure out what exactly I wanted out of my life, and I finally ended up starting to date someone incredible.  Ian is a crab fisherman from Alaska, and is honestly everything I could ever hoped for and wanted in a boyfriend.  I just have never ever felt this way about anyone, ever.  I know my mom always said that when you found the person you were supposed to be with, you'd know, but I just never understood until it happened to me.  Loving him is easy, uncomplicated.  It's the most amazing feeling in the world.  Now I just have to get used to the fact that I'll be spending the rest of my life in Juneau, lol!!

Other than that, I'm trying my damnedest to graduate from this godforsaken university and actually start my real life.  It's been rough lately trying to find the motivation to continue going to college when I'm 23 years old next week and feel like I should have been done years ago.  This whole second-major thing is much harder than I even anticipated it could be.  Oh well.  It'll all be worth it when I'm done.  Especially since teachers in Alaska start out at $60,000 a year...

And one more thing.  I might actually be starting to like hockey.  I don't even know what to do with myself.  Who ever thought I'd be a Redwings fan?  Not me... and if NMU can continue to be on fucking fire, we're going to the Joe next weekend and that should be awesome!!!  I'm pumped like none other, actually.

Well, it's time for class, so I have to run.  I hope all of you who still kind of sort of read this are having a good time with whatever it is that you're doing. 

It's snowing, the ski hill is open, life is good.

 

Except for all of the bullshit that's going on, that is.  Life is MOSTLY good.

 

And it's all better when I'm flying down a snow-covered mountain.

Welcome to summer vacation.  It's been about a month and a half, almost two months already.  When I start to realize that I only have about six weeks of summer break left, it starts to worry me and make me sad.  It can't be time to go back to cold weather already!!  But alas, the Fourth of July is only a few short days away...

So far, my summer has been relatively uneventful.  Some of the highlights (or lowlights) include going to camp for the work weekend, going to a Cubs game and then a crazy barcrawl in downtown Chicago, being incredibly sick, getting my widom teeth out, and working less than last year.  We've also been to the zoo once and are going again tomorrow (pray for good weather!!).  Lol I just looked at the weather report.  Hot, rainy, and very windy.  Score!  Maybe that'll make all the little kids go away though...

I don't know, but recently I have been in kind of a crappy mood about life.  I am seriously tired of being alone.  And although I know I have friends, especially at school, this summer is just a giant reminder of why you should never let yourself concentrate on one person.  Though on the other hand, it's not, really.  I can't be blaming my lonliness on Cory, seeing as I was the one who made it all happen in the first place.  All of my friends were here and gone again.  I didn't see my comment on here from Jackie until it was too late.  Jenny works here all week then commutes to St. Louis for an internship.  Nicole was here, but is leaving for California tomorrow or soon.  Tanya was here and we hung out a couple times, but now she's in New York until right before I go back to school.  I have no idea what's happened to Jon, and I intend to call him and make sure he's okay.  Apparently his computer isn't working or something because he's really just disappeared off the face of the earth.  Erin is generally wrapped up in what she's doing, but who could blame her?  She's job hunting, working, and planning a wedding all at the same time. 

I guess what I'm getting at is that I'm ready to find the person I want to marry.  I'm ready for the one great love of my life to come along.  I'm ready for a healthy, happy relationship with someone who I know will love me forever.  It has been so long since I was happy in a relationship.  Even with Ben, who I remember with such filitered fondness, I wasn't completely happy.  I had a couple weeks where everything was perfect, from the beginning of October until Thanksgiving.  After that, things started to go downhill.  I don't know.  I'm just ready to be happy now.

Until then, I guess, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing.  Today I don't work, so I'm going to go to lunch with mom, go to lifetime, probably spend some time outside.  I want to go to a waterpark really badly, but it'll be tough finding someone to go with me.  Maybe one day this summer I'll convince my mom to go with me.  That's kind of depressing, that I have to con my mother into hanging out with me because I don't have any other friends.  Lame.  But anyway, I just keep being myself and smiling a lot and working through however I feel.  Hopefully someone who would be perfect for me will show up.  I can only hope...

I bought a purse this week.  I spent lots of money on it.  But it's authentic, and it's gorgeous and fun.  I have wanted a Dooney and Bourke IT bag in the stars pattern since the very first time I saw one, in Dooney and Bourke catalogue my mother got.  They were introducing this new, squeaky clean starlett who was a child actress but who was finally breaking into the big time.  Her name was Lindsey Lohan.  Amazing how life goes for some people...

I will not be like that.